I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
