So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
