If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Boobs are out for the taking
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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