Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize