Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
