I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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