Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
