last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
