but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
