there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
