u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
