We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
