i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
