my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
