I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize