32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
