i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
