Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
