I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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