final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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