dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
