my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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