She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
