Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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