Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize