saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
