its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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