Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
