i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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