i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
