I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
