Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My feet surprised me
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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