Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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