Fuck appropriateness.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
