oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
