I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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