I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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