At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
