Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
