____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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