My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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