Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
