the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
