If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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