dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
