it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
