I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
