i permit you to call me
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
please don't ironically join a cult
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