just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
