did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize