The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
