I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
