Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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