i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
