Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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