I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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