On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
