I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
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