i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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