Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize