Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
