the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
