I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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