I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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