Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
