Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
