im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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