Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you would pick up someone in the library
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
