thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
