I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My ass is underappreciated
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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