He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
