Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
