I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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