Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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